I'm posting this because I want to try and help other people who may be going through the same thing... It's not for attention or anything like that, those of you who really know me, know I hate attention.
So, I suffer from depression and have done for about 2 years now. I don't really want to go into the ins and outs of why I'm like this, what I will say is that it really has affected me. The things I used to love doing, I often struggle to do.
Finding motivation to get through the day, is impossible on certain days. I've upset certain friends and family through this time because I sometimes become a totally different person.
I spent a long time bottling all of this up, which really did me no favours and wouldn't recommend doing this at all. I eventually opened up about it to one person, a work colleague and one of my closest friends. That person to this day still helps me out. He got me in touch with a therapist that helped him and I attended several of those sessions. Unfortunately, it didn't really work for me as they were not consistent enough to be effective and what I learnt each time, was just forgotten.
I started opening up to more and more people about it, but my mind was getting worse and worse. My manager at work at the time could tell I wasn't myself and questioned me about it. This eventually (after A LOT of hesitation) led to a trip to the doctors, talking to a doctor and getting referred to a charity called Mind.
A couple of weeks ago, I almost did something really stupid and was at one of the worst points I've ever been. But in that moment, it made total sense for me to do it. Luckily, someone I opened up to reached out to me and made me realise that there's more to life than constantly feeling unhappy and in this 45 minute phone call, I ended up feeling totally motivated to go out there and do something good and positive.
I finished my therapy on Monday. I feel better equipped to tackle this thing we called life. I know that I will still have down days, but I'm aiming to have less of them and more good days. I've already made several changes in my life. One of which is to start doing things for me, which means finishing work at a reasonable time and going out and doing stuff, instead of coming home from work, sleeping, going back to work and having just that be my life.
I'm also trying to stop caring what other people think of me, this will take a lot of time for me but I'm trying. We're all human, we all have problems, I need to make that thought stick in my mind!
If you're not in a good place, please talk to someone! It's scary at first, but you will feel a massive relief when you open up to someone about what's going on. I consider myself really lucky to have the friends I do, friends that look out for me and make sure I'm okay, friends that accept me for who I am.
To all my close friends who support me everyday, you have no idea how grateful I am. I know I've annoyed / upset some of you in the past, but I love you all
If you take one thing away from this post, let it be this. Talk to someone!
We're fairly certain Jonathan speaks for so many people who've spent far too long bottling things up when they could talk to someone and start the process of getting better. Hove you confided in a friend about your mental illness? Did it work? Let us know in the comments below.