An Open Letter To Me

(originally published 31 Dec 2013)

Happy New Year!!  Don't worry, I'm not sat at my computer at midnight on New Year's Eve typing this, I've scheduled it to (hopefully) automatically publish at midnight.  It's the first time I've done it so if it's worked then I wish you a Happy New Year for 2014; if it hasn't....then Happy Easter 2017!!

Dear Me,

For the last few years, in fact every year since 2008, you've ended the year saying it's been the worst year of your life.  Whilst 2013 hasn't been the worst, it's had its ups 'n' downs for sure.  I, for one, am sick of saying it, just as much you are of hearing it.  Well, no more.  You've been a victim of your screwed up brain for too long.  You spend you're life hoping it will get easier, dreaming it will get better and waiting for the 'thing' that will miraculously appear to make your life what you want.  It's not going to happen.

You've always known it yet still you've found a way of patiently expecting the impossible.  2014 is going to be the year that you get a grip of yourself, your life and your head.  It's not about New Year Resolutions, it's about make life choices, changing your mindset.  You remember that tweet you saw that said "I don't suffer from AspergersI have Aspergers I don't suffer from brown eyes, I have brown eyes"?  Well, you've been suffering from PTSD, depression and acute anxiety so much that they have washed over you and carried you out to sea and you're not that good a swimmer.  You've suffered with them, from them, because of them and despite them for too long.  You know as well as I do (we are the same person after all) that you're not going to wake up tomorrow 'cured', but a new year is a good a place as any to start on the journey towards the light.  So, here's what's going to happen.  You ARE going to…

    •    Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have mental health problems, you don't (or shouldn't) suffer from them.

    •    Accept your conditions and stop being a victim to them.

    •    Do the things you know help.  Find new ones.

    •    Continue to be the best husband, father, son, brother and friend you can be.

    •    Practise mindfulness.

    •    Restart meditating.

    •    Make good on the promises you've made yourself and the ones you love.

    •    Eat less.

    •    Read more.

    •    Get back out on your bike.

    •    Meet friends when they ask and stop making excuses not to.

    •    Cook more.

    •    Research that family tree you've started about a billion zillion times.

    •    Stop exaggerating about how many times you've started to research the family tree.

    •    Reply to emails sooner.

    •    Sell house.  Buy new house (Note to self - Won't work the other way round)

    •    Fall in love with music every day.

    •    Declutter; the house; your stuff; your head.

    •    Stop writing about ideas and starting doing them.

    •    Stop procrastinating.  Think about stopping procrastinating.  Possibly.

    •    Do the things you've been putting off and if you're forgetting them...write them down!

    •    Make a go of Men Tell Health.

    •    Start that book.

    •    Smile more.

Starting Wednesday 1st January 2014 we'll make a start together.  I'll see you back here in a year and, if on that date, you're about to write "2014 was the worst year of my life!!" I AM going to slap you.

Yours sincerely,